We’re non-binary.

We’ve known we were non-binary since around 2014.

I use they/it/she pronouns with people we know well.

I use they/any - they is preferred but for the most part anything goes.

And I’m pretty exclusively she/her.

Some of the details have changed over time - for example, it/its is a relatively recent development for me.

Like all labels, they’re just what we find most useful right now - but they has stayed consistently somewhere for both of us.

They/them is what we’ll use in the context of places like work so there’s at least less explaining.

But it also works well in the context of the plural thing as well.

dysphoria and hrt

We have some issues related to dysphoria with our physical appearance, specifically our chest, our hair, our voice, and to a lesser extent our face.

We’ve been taking a very low dose of HRT since around Feb 2020. The results haven’t been the fastest, but we take what we can get.

There are aspects associated with our assigned gender that we do embrace; while androgyny would be nice, we would very easily settle for “Mama Bear” or “femme werewolf” as potential descriptors.

titles

The gender neutral Mx. is our preferred title, followed by Mt. in certain contexts ¹, and then to have no title at all.

it/its?

It/its pronouns are dehumanizing. You should never use them for anyone who hasn’t explicitly asked for you to refer to them in that way.

However, for us, like many who identify more with being non-human, they’re dehumanizing and that’s the point.

There are lots of different ways that someone might identify with it/its pronouns - in my case, that’s a desire to be inorganic or synthetic, while still having agency.

…if it helps, imagine Hobbes from Calvin & Hobbes, but still able to walk around and be part of the family while plush. A precious thing, and not just an object.

footnotes